New York or Bust
by Elizabeth Bartlett
Summary: This is what happens when OCs are left to their own devices during 'The Return Pts.1&2'. R&R! Ch16 Lydia is no longer allowed to go online.
1. Road Trip!

A/N: Just some haliarity I came up with one night while thinking about SGA and road trips. Takes place during 'The Return Pt.1&2' (but only slight spoliers). Standard disclaimer for all chapters; I own the character Max while Lydia belongs to 'BiteMeTechie', Alex belongs to 'Reefgirl', and Crysta belongs to 'Nenya'. Also all canon belongs to TPTB, and I don't own 'Late Night with Conan O'Brian' or BC (although I wish I did). This is a WIP so be patient with updates. Read and Reviews are love. Enjoy!

"I'm bored."

Max looked up from the newspaper in time to see Lydia drop her head into her folded arms. Raising an eyebrow she replied, "And…"

"There's friggin' nothing to do." Lydia moaned.

"So? Go read a book."

"Don't wanna."

"Then go on-line. Maybe they added something new to the Bruce Campbell website." Max replied distractedly, going back to reading the paper.

Lydia perked up but then narrowed her eyes. "You're making fun of me aren't you?"

Max grinned and nodded her head while not taking her eyes off of what she was reading, "Yup."

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Max replied automatically; it was a running gag between the two of them.

They heard the door open and then Crysta shouting, "A little help here."

Max and Lydia got up and walked towards their friend. "Good Lord Crysta," Lydia said as she walked towards the door. "did you buy out the whole store?"

"Not exactly." Crysta replied, awkwardly handing Max and Lydia a grocery bag. "Some of this is Alex's."

"Why?"

"Ask her yourself. She's right behind me." Crysta said, heading towards the kitchen.

Max and Lydia turned around in time to see Alex enter the doorway, equally laden with paper bags.

"Move it or lose it ladies." Alex said, heading towards the two girls.

Max and Lydia hastily moved to either side of the hallway as Alex barely squeezed passed them. Alex stopped short of the kitchen door and turned to look at them saying, "Well? Are you just going to stand there while the ice cream melts?"

"Ice cream?" Lydia asked, brightening up instantly.

"Yes." Alex stated matter-of-factly.

"Outta my way Max." Lydia said, rushing towards Alex.

Max just rolled her eyes and followed at a calmer pace. Setting her bag on the counter she asked, "So why all the bags Alex? I don't think World War Three is due any time soon."

Alex just shook her head and continued to pull the food out while saying, "I know _that_. I'm making dinner tonight."

"Sweet." Crysta and Lydia intoned at the same time. "What are we having?"

"It's a surprise."

Lydia paused in putting in the ice cream in the freezer and turned to look at Alex, eyes going wide. "A surprise?" she squeaked out.

"Yup."

"Oh god."

Max, Crysta, and Alex laughed at Lydia's expression. "Relax, it's not gonna be like last time."

"Are you sure?" Lydia asked, still wary.

"When have I steered you wrong?" Alex asked. "Don't answer that." She added quickly as Lydia opened her mouth.

"What? I wasn't going to say anything." Lydia protested.

"Yes you were and don't deny it." Alex retorted. "Now shoo," she said, waving her hands at them. "get out and let me cook."

"Fine _mother_." Lydia shot back, walking out of the kitchen with the carton of ice cream.

"If you're gonna eat the ice cream already at least do it right." Crysta called out as she opened the cupboard and pulled out three bowls and then grabbed three spoons. She then headed out to join Lydia.

Walking out of the kitchen, Max felt her phone ring and pulled it out; looking at the caller ID. Seeing that it was her brother, she sighed and hit the 'decline' button. Tossing it onto the coffee table she flopped down onto the couch and closed her eyes.

"Hey Max," Crysta said from the table where she was starting to dish out the ice cream. "want some?"

"What kind is it?"

"Rocky Road."

"_Story of my life._" Max thought before answering, "No thanks."

Silence followed and Max opened her eyes to see Lydia and Crysta staring at her with wide eyes and Alex poking her head out of the kitchen door with a concerned look on her face. "Why is everyone staring at me like that?" Max asked.

"Since when do you turn down Rocky Road? You practically get orgasmic whenever we have some." Lydia said.

"I just don't feel like having any. Anything wrong with that?" Max shot back.

"No…who called?" Lydia asked, her eyebrows knitting together.

"My brother."

"And you thought it was…" Crysta said trailing off.

"No one. And let's just leave it at that, ok?" Max snapped, getting off of the couch and heading towards her room. The others just watched her walk off, not saying anything but knowing who she wanted to call.

Closing the door, Max sighed and leaned against it. She loved her friends to bits but sometimes she wished that she had her own place. "_It's not like I could afford my own place._" She thought, pushing off of the door and flopping onto her bed.

Staring at the ceiling, Max cursed the Ancients six different ways for making them leave Atlantis. "_At least they could've waited until the summer…'cause then I would've had an opportunity to look for a job. But, hey, if that hadn't happened then we wouldn't be sharing this place._"

Max wasn't sure how long she lay there, staring at the ceiling until a knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts and she said, "What?"

"_Just wanted to see if you were ok._" came Crysta's muffled reply.

"I'm fine."

"_If you're sure…_"

"_Yes_…I'll be out in a second." Max sighed and sat up, running a hand through her hair. Standing, she opened the door and walked out into the living room in time to see Lydia jump up from her laptop and yell.

"What?" Max asked slightly confused. "What is it?"

"Bruce!" Lydia crowed, hands flapping up and down. "Brucie's gonna be on Conan in two weeks."

"And that's news worthy how?" Crysta asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lydia stopped jumping up and down and looked at Crysta like she was two lamp chops short of a mixed grill. "Think about it…we're on vacation until everything's set up at the SGC…that'll be at least a month…there's nothing going on here…" Lydia trailed off, grinning.

A look of realization appeared on Crysta's face and she said, "No. Nonononononono."

"Aw c'mon." Lydia begged, flashing Crysta puppy eyes.

"Nope. Not gonna happen."

"What's not gonna happen?" Alex called out from the kitchen, shortly followed by a clatter and "Damn it!"

" Lydia wants to go on a road trip to see 'Late Night with Conan O'Brian'." Max replied, smiling. They _had_ been cooped up in here ever since they got back...maybe it wouldn't be so bad to get out and hit the road.

"Pleeeeeeeeeease?"

Crysta just shook her head, not changing her mind.

"Come on Crysta, it'll be fun." Max said, nodding her head.

Crysta was silent for a few minutes, thinking it over. "Ok. Bu-Agh!" She started to say but was cut off when Lydia launched herself at Crysta, knocking her down to the floor in a hug.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" Lydia gushed, squeezing Crysta.

"Air!" Crysta gasped, wide-eyed.

Max tried to stifle her laughter and failed miserably. This was going to be one hell of a trip.


	2. The Plan

"So how are we going to get there?" Alex asked.

Lydia turned her head to one side and said, "I was thinking we could fly."

Crysta snorted and choked on her drink, laughing.

"You ok?" Max asked, looking at Crysta.

Crysta just nodded her head, unable to speak.

"What? What's so funny?" Lydia asked, looking at Crysta.

"Last time you flew you got smashed." Crysta said, the laughter finally subsiding.

"It's not my fault, the stewardess kept shoving them at me. What was I supposed to do? I'm a nervous flyer for crying out loud, I needed something to relax me." Lydia replied.

"Yea, relaxed you to the point where you couldn't walk a foot without falling."

"Ok, so flying's out of the question; what about taking my Bug?" Max asked, getting them back to the topic at hand.

"No way…four girls in a hatchback plus all their crap? That's just asking for trouble." Alex replied.

"What about a bus?" Crysta threw out.

"Sure…sharing a bathroom with twenty other sweaty people and no personal space to speak of? No thank you, I'll pass." Lydia said, shuddering at the thought.

"I thought you liked taking the bus." Max said, looking at Lydia.

"Yea…as much I like taking a psych evaluation." Lydia snorted.

Max sighed, this was going to be complicated. "Ok…so we can't fly because Lydia'll be a nervous wreck, we can't take the bus because it creeps Lydia out, and there's _no_ way in hell we'll hitch-hike…so that leaves driving. We'll rent a car since none of us has one big enough to fit us and everything in it."

"What kind should we rent?" Alex asked, picking up the empty dishes.

"How about we plan the rest of the trip first before getting a car?" Crysta suggested, leaning back in her chair.

Max shrugged and picked up her dishes. "Fine with me; the three of us will have to share driving 'cause _someone_ refuses to drive."

Lydia just stuck her tongue out at Max who then replied, "Oh real mature."

After they had finished washing the dishes and putting them away, the four roommates and friends sat down with a map to plan their trip.

"So what day is Bruce going to be on?" Crysta asked Lydia looking at her calendar.

"He's gonna be on a Thursday…the 24th." Lydia replied, consulting her laptop screen.

"And today's the 9th…so yea…in about two weeks."

"Ok…so I was thinking-"

"Really? You thinking?" Lydia cut Max off with a grin.

Max just sighed and continued, "that we could take I-25 North up to I-70 East and then take that up to St. Louis. From there we hop onto I-55 North until we get to I-80 East then take _that_ until we hit I-81 North. I'm pretty sure that will get us to New York."

"Pretty sure? I'm gonna need more than 'pretty sure'." Lydia said, raising an eyebrow. " 'cause I mean this is _Bruce Campbell_ we're talking about…he's GOD in my book."

"Ok…how about really pretty sure?" Max said, flashing Lydia a grin.

"Whatever." Lydia muttered.

"Glad you approve. Now what about tickets?"

"Uh…there's a number we can call to get them." Lydia said, looking at her laptop again. "We can get up to four tickets for Thursday…they start at 4:15pm."

Max nodded her head, "Good, gives us time to chill before then."

"I can call and have them send the tickets to the hotel...and have the hotel hold them for us...that is if they'll do it."

"What about sight-seeing?" Alex asked. "Do we want to plan for stops along the way or just wing it?"

"Well, there's not much to see in Kansas…unless you count boring flat prairie as a sight. But there's the St. Louis Arch, the AF Museum in Ohio…other than that not much." Crysta said, recalling what she could off-hand.

"I think we've had enough Air Force to last us awhile." Alex stated and the other girls nodded their head in agreement. "So how about we wing it? Drive as far as we can each day without falling asleep at the wheel. That sound good?"

"Sounds like a plan." Max said, standing up and stretching. "How about we leave on Friday? Get an early start so we beat rush-hour traffic."

"I hope he wears a yummy tie." Lydia said, out of the blue.

"Who?" Crysta asked.

"Conan…I want to eat his ties." Lydia stated.

Crysta raised an eyebrow while Alex said, "You want to do what?"

"I can't help it...back me up on this one, Max."

"That's true...so do I." Max admitted.

"You guys are hopeless." Alex said, shaking her head.

"Why thank you." Max said flashing a grin.

"That wasn't a compliment."

"You know, maybe we should take separate cars...and not sit together...in case security for...some reason decides to keep an eye on you two..."

"Why would they want to do that?" Lydia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You want to eat a man's tie...that's not exactly what the general public considers sane."

"You just don't get it. Conan would get it!"

"He would." Max said, giggling at the thought.

"Are you sure you two aren't from the same gene pool?" Alex asked.

"We never did trace our family lines, did we Max?"

"Maybe you should."

"Maybe..." Max mused.

"Oh great...give them ideas why don't you." Crysta groaned. The last thing they needed was for the two of them to find out that they were related.

"What? This has to be the result of some kind of in-breeding."

"Hey, I resent that!" Max protested.

"Just because my mother is from the south! And...married her fourth cousin..." Lydia trailed off when Crysta and Alex began to laugh.

Lydia sighed and looked at Max, "I'm not going to win this argument, am I, Max?"

"Nope."

"Dammit."

"Getting an early start is fine with me." Crysta said, stifling a yawn. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat. We can plan more tomorrow."

"Yea…I am pretty tired." Max admitted. "I think I'll hit the sack as well." Looking at Lydia she asked, "What about you Lyd? Has Mister Sandman hit you yet?"

"Hell no…I'm good for another five hours." Lydia said, grinning.

"Good for you…see you in the morning." Max said, yawning.

Lydia just shook her head and logged on. "_The girls on the BCO fanlisting are going to freak when I tell them._"


	3. Hitting the Road

Max handed Crysta her bag and said, "That's it."

"Good." Crysta said, stifling a yawn. It was too damn early for them to be awake; the only people who should be awake now are morning DJs and talk show hosts. But if they didn't want to get caught in morning rush-hour traffic they had to leave by 5:30 am. "Where's Lydia?"

Max looked around and sighed, "Still sleeping. I'll wake her up."

"No water," Alex warned, coming out of the kitchen with thermoses of coffee. "remember what happened last time."

"Don't I." Max replied, heading towards the door. Walking in to the darkened room, Max unceremoniously flipped on the light and paused; looking for any signs of life coming from Lydia.

She was still.

Max moved closer to her geeky friend and said, "Lydia." while gently shaking her shoulder.

Lydia shifted around and muttered, "Five more minutes mom...I swear."

Max sighed; they didn't have time for this. "_Time to bring out the big guns._" She thought. Get up close to Lydia, Max said loudly, "Leaving already Mister Shatner?"

Lydia's eyes shot open and she bolted up saying, "The Shat? Where!?"

"Not here." Max said, grabbing one of Lydia's hands and yanking her out of bed. "C'mon, we have to get going."

"Where to?" Lydia asked, confused. Five a.m. was not the optimal time for Lydia's brain to be functioning.

"New York remember?" Max said, continuing to propel Lydia forwards towards the dresser. "Get dressed."

"Fine fine." Lydia grumbled as she opened a drawer. Soon she was dressed and walked out to find everyone else waiting for her. Inhaling deeply, she smiled and said, "I smell coffee."

"Yes, there's coffee. You can have some in the car." Crysta said, pushing Lydia towards the door. "Now let's go."

"We're not forgetting anything are we?" Max asked, picking up her keys.

Alex did a once over around the apartment and said, "Nope, we got everything."

"Great." Max replied, walking towards the door. After Alex entered the hallway Max shut the door, locked it, and joined the others by the elevator.

Once they reached the ground floor of the apartment building they walked over to the car and got in with Max in the driver seat while Alex took shotgun and Crysta and Lydia got into the back.

As they got in Alex said, "Someone remind me _why_ Lydia doesn't have to drive."

Lydia smiled and said, "I'm just the evil mastermind behind this plan...I don't have to drive. I let my minions do it for me."

"Fine," Alex huffed. "but if something goes wrong..."

"Nothing's going to go wrong...I think."

"If something does, I'm blaming you." Max said, looking at Lydia across the car hood.

"_Whose_ idea was it for me to check the BC website, hmm?" Lydia asked, looking back at Max and raising an eyebrow.

"I was being _sarcastic_. I didn't think you'd actually find something..."

"Leave the sarcasm to those of us with the ability to master it, huh?"

"Oh shut up and get in the car." Max retorted, her lips twitching in a smile.

Since it was early morning there was little traffic so they made good time getting out of Colorado Springs itself and wasn't long until they were in the suburbs.

Crysta and Lydia had fallen asleep in the back and Alex was starting to nod off every once in a while. Max smiled to herself and turned on the radio to a local station, keeping the volume low but loud enough that she could hear it.

Driving along Max saw up ahead someone jogging on the right side of the road. As she drove past him, Max couldn't help but look.

He was wearing black jogging shorts and a grey shirt with 'ARMY' in big black letters on the front so Max assumed that he must be from Peterson or the SGC. He was well-toned and the front of his shirt was soaked with sweat so she could tell that he had been running for awhile. Smiling she thought to herself, "_He's hot._"

"MAX!" Alex yelled, bringing Max out of her thoughts. She saw that the car up in front of them had stepped on the brakes and that they where still heading towards it. Max let up on the gas and jammed on the brake, quickly checking to see if the other lane was empty. It was so Max quickly signaled and swerved around the slowing car, going onto the shoulder as she did.

"Agh!" Lydia yelled, waking with a start. "What the hell was that?" she asked.

"Pull over _now_." Alex demanded.

"Ok…ok." Max said, moving over to the shoulder.

As the car rolled to a stop Alex said, " Get out, I'm driving."

"Why?"

"'Cause while you were drooling over some guy you almost rear-ended a car and ran us off the road."

"No I didn't. I almost ran off the road because you shouted at me." Max replied. "I can drive just fine, thank you very much."

Alex snorted, "Yea…if there are no guys running on the side of the road."

Max put the car back into gear while saying, "Let's just get going, ok?"

"Only if you promise not to destroy the car by leering at the other sex." Lydia mumbled already half-asleep.

"I promise."

"Good."

Max just rolled her eyes and pulled back onto the street.


	4. A Gas Station Encounter

"Whose turn is it to pay for gas?" Max asked as they pulled into the gas station.

"I have no idea." Crysta replied while pointing at a sleeping Lydia.

Max just smiled and shook her head as she slowly pulled up to a pump. Putting the car into park, she cut the engine and popped open the cover to the tank. "Lydia." She said, while opening the door.

"Mmm." Lydia mumbled, hardly stirring.

"Hey, Lydia." Crysta said while poking Lydia in the side. "Wake up."

"We already there?" Lydia asked, still half-asleep.

Alex and Crysta laughed while Max just shook her head. "We're still in Colorado." Alex said once the laughter subsided.

"Then why'd you wake me? I need to look my best for Brucie." Lydia grouched.

"It's your turn to pay for gas." Crysta said.

"Fine…fine." Lydia mumbled while unbuckling herself and digging through her purse for her credit card. Getting out, she slid it in the card reader and then took it out. Now awake, she was energized about their trip. Dancing on the heels of her feet she said, "I can't wait to see Brucie."

"Really? 'cause I wouldn't be able to tell." Max deadpanned.

Lydia just stuck her tongue out at Max and said, "He's gonna be promoting his new movie."

"Really?"

"Yup. It's called 'My Name Is Bruce'."

"What's it about?"

"A rural town gets overrun by zombies an' Bruce gets kidnapped by the townsfolk because they confuse him with his character from the Evil Dead flicks." Lydia giggled and said, "Demons versus Bruce Campbell...it's gonna be great."

"Bruce Campbell is a C-list actor who's only good for B-movies and cameos." A voice from the other side of the pump said.

Lydia's eyes went wide and she stammered, "E-e-excuse me!?"

"You hear what I said." The voice said.

"What's going on?" Alex asked, as she and Crysta neared the car. "Why does Lydia look like she's gonna kill someone?"

"Shhh." Max said distractedly. "Someone just insulted Bruce Campbell."

"Oh." Crysta said, knowing what that meant; you only insulted Bruce Campbell around Lydia if you had a death wish.

Lydia turned a deep shade of red and said; "You wanna say that to my face?" while stepping over to the pump on the other side, furious. Her eyes widened when she saw who it was. "Y-y-you." She sputtered, her face turning even redder.

"Miss me?" Jason asked, flashing her a smile.

"Jason Sheppard, you're a dead man!" Lydia exclaimed, squeezing her fists tighter.

Jason just grinned at Lydia and hopped into his convertible while saying, "I'm late for a meeting with Big J. I'll see you later." He then started his car and sped off, Metallica blaring as he did.

Lydia just watched him speed off and fumed. Stomping back to the car, she joined everyone else inside the car and seethed; no one insulted BC in front of her and got away with it.

"Who was that?" Max asked, as she pulled out of the station and back onto the main road.

"Jason Sheppard." Lydia huffed, looking out the window; the man irked her to no end.

"As in Lt. Col. Sheppard?"

"The one and the same." Crysta said, nodding her head.

"But I thought he was an only child."

"Jason's his cousin." Alex explained.

"Oh."

"He's the only one besides Zelenka who can match McKay." Crysta commented.

"And I think _someone_ has a crush on him." Alex teased, smiling as she did.

"I do not!" Lydia yelled.

"I didn't say who, you're the one who reacted." Alex said while winking at Max who gave a snort in response.

"Yea well…I know what you meant."

"Ooo, nice comeback. How long did it take for you to come up with that?"

Lydia just stuck out her tongue and Alex laughed while Max shook her head in amusement and Crysta pretended to not know any of them.

A/N: see chapter one for disclaimers with the addition of reyclou owning Jason Sheppard. Review!


	5. Fangirls Go Squee

"You weren't kidding when you said that Kansas was flat and boring." Lydia said as they drove past fields of corn and wheat.

"Don't forget hot and windy." Alex piped up.

"Honestly, I can't see why Dorothy would want to come back to _this_." Crysta said.

"Well…there was Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, Hunk, Zeke, _and_ Hickory." Max offered up.

"But she had Toto, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and the Tin Man...what more do you need?" Lydia said, stifling a yawn.

"Um, how about an actual family?" Alex said, casting a glance over her shoulder.

"Hey, they could've set up shop in the Tin Man's old house...or in the Emerald City...the Tin Man could've gone out to work each morning while Dorothy took care of the house and the Cowardly Lion could do all the hunting...and be the housecat while the Scarecrow..." Lydia paused. "well I'm not sure what the Scarecrow could've done, but it would've been something."

Max opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. Picking it up, she briefly glanced at the Caller ID to see who it was. Seeing that it was her sister, she frowned and hit 'decline' tossing it back in the cup holder it had been in when it had rang.

"Not who you thought it was?" Alex asked, looking at Max.

Max shrugged and kept her eyes on the road while saying, "Didn't feel like talking."

"Mmhm." Alex replied, not convinced.

Crysta and Lydia fell asleep not long after while Max and Alex chatted but soon Alex fell asleep as well so Max turned on the radio to fill the silence. They sped past a sign that said 'Lawrence 20 miles' and Max started to giggle.

"What's so funny?" Lydia asked, stretching and sitting up.

"Oh...we just passed a sign for Lawrence." Max replied still laughing.

"And what's so special about Lawrence?"

Max looked at Lydia through the rearview mirror with wide eyes and said, "You don't know why Lawrence is special?"

Lydia shook her head and said, "Not off the top of my head."

"And you room with me." Max sighed then said, "Crysta."

"Mmmm, what?" Crysta mumbled, eyes still closed.

"We're gonna pass Lawrence."

"Really?" Crysta asked, bolting up and instantly awake. "Can we go through and try to find the house?"

"What house?" Lydia asked

"What do ya mean 'what house'? The 'hell on earth' house. _The_ house." Crysta said, looking at Lydia like she had grown an extra head.

"I still don't know what you're talking about." Lydia said, slowly shaking her head.

"Geeze...you _do_ room with us right?"

"That's what I said." Max told Crysta, smiling. "And I don't think we _can_ fine the house...it's not like they give an addy or anything."

"Are you sure? 'Cause I thought that in 'What is and what should never be' we saw an address for his house." Crysta said, turning her head to one side.

"No...that was for his fictional apartment..." Max replied, shaking her head. "They never give an actual street name or number."

"Oh..." Crysta said, disappointed. "Well can we at least go there so I can get a picture of me in front of the town sign? 'Cause that would be _so_ cool."

"What house!?" Lydia exclaimed, startling both Crysta and Max.

"You _still _don't know?" Crysta sighed. "Ok...I guess we should tell you...the Winchester house from _Supernatural_...they lived in Lawrence until the Yellow-Eyed Demon killed Mommy Winchester and Papa Smurf decided to go hunting."

"Who's Papa Smurf?"

"That's what Max and I call Jeffery Dean Morgan who's John Winchester."

"Oh."

They were silent until they passed a sign that said, 'Lawrence 5 miles' and Crysta begged, "Pleeeeeeeeeease Max? It would take all of ten minutes and then we can be back on the road. You take one of me, I'll take one of you, and then we can do one together."

Max sighed and looked at the clock. They _were_ making good time...aw what the hell? She could lord it over her other _Supernatural_ friends that she had actually been to Lawrence and could prove it with photos. Smiling Max nodded and said, "Why not? I'm sure that we could stretch our legs."

"YES!" Crysta exclaimed, grinning.

Lydia just shook her head and sighed. Maybe Crysta and Max were the ones who were related instead of her and Max.


	6. Poolside by the Arch

"Put the phone down."

Max looked at Lydia with an eyebrow raised. How she knew since both eyes were closed was beyond her. "I wasn't looking at my phone." Max said while quietly setting her phone down onto the table next to her deck chair.

It was an unseasonably warm day so they had decided that after checking into the motel that they would take advantage of the weather and work on their tans (or at least those who _could_ tan would work on them) poolside.

"Yes you were and don't deny it." Lydia said, lifting up her sun-glasses and looked at her friend. "Ever since we got back you've been checking you phone every five seconds and when someone _does_ call if it's not this mystery person you send it to voice-mail."

"So?" Max said defensively. "Maybe I don't feel like talking at the moment." She replied, leaning back against the chair.

"Talking to who?" Crysta asked walking up to them.

"Mister Mystery Guy." Lydia replied, lowering her sunglasses and closing her eyes.

"Oh." Crysta replied, putting her stuff on the chair in between Max and Lydia then sitting down. "Wanna tell us who the guy is?" she asked, looking at Max.

"No."

"Is it someone we know?"

"Why this sudden interest in who I do and don't want to talk to?"

"I'll take that as a 'yes'. Is he cute?" Crysta needled.

"Or hot?" Lydia added.

"No and no." Max replied, rolling her eyes. "Where's Alex?"

"Right here." Alex said, setting her stuff on the chair to the left of Max. "What were you saying no to?"

"That's she's waiting for her Mystery Boyfriend." Crysta said, smiling.

"Where's the sun block?" Alex said, raising an eyebrow. "And…"

"And nothing. I don't have a Mystery Boyfriend." Max replied, feeling around for the bottle of sun block and when she found it, handed it to Alex.

"Then who _are_ you waiting for to call?" Alex asked, taking the sun block and applying it.

"No one all right?" Max snapped, tired of the third degree.

"Ok, ok…no need to get all bent out of shape." Crysta said, wondering why Max was so secretive about her phone calls.

They sat in silence until 'You're a Mean One Mister Grinch' started playing.

Alex, Crysta, and Max lifted their heads to look at Lydia who still had her eyes closed.

"Lydia." Crysta said, trying to get Lydia's attention.

Lydia ignored Crysta and the phone, which started to loop.

"Oy, Lyd!" Alex all but yelled. "aren't you going to get that?"

"No." Lydia replied, eyes still closed.

"And why not?"

"'Cause it's McKay's ring tone."

"Why is he calling you?" Crysta asked, raising an eyebrow.

"'Cause I gave him my number."

Alex, Crysta and Max looked at each other with surprise and confusion on their faces. "Really." Alex said slowly. "and why did you do that?"

"Why do you think?" Lydia shot back as the phone quit ringing.

Alex just grinned and said nothing as did Max and Crysta.

"Oh please, people." Lydia said, rolling her eyes. "I hate the man with the passion of a thousand burning suns. I gave him my number in case, for some reason, he needed my help. Shut up Alex." She added as Alex opened her mouth.

"What? All I was going to say is that you would be the last person I'd expect to give their number to McKay." Alex said, plastering an innocent look on her face.

Lydia snorted, "Yea right." The phone began to ring again and Lydia made no move to pick it up.

"You're just gonna let it play?" Max asked, turning her head to one side.

"Yup." Lydia said, laying back down and closing her eyes. "What do you think I'd actually do if he happened to call? Answer it?"

"Um…yea. 'Cause that's what usually people expect the person they call to do." Crysta said slowly.

"Well I'm different."

"I know _that_."

The phone stopped ringing but then started up again a few seconds later. "Damn, he doesn't give up does he?" Lydia said, conceding and picking up the phone. Hitting the 'talk' button she raised it to her ear and said, "What is it McKay?"

Max, Crysta, and Alex leaned closer towards Lydia to hear better.

Lydia raised an eyebrow and said, "And what makes you think I would know that?...Gee thanks…well _that's_ how it came out McKay, how else am I supposed to take it?...Not so much D&D, Dungeons and Dragons, McKay, but he's really into WoW…World of Warcraft." Lydia sighed and cast her eyes towards the sky. What deity had she pissed off so much that they would make this her punishment?

"Why do you want to know anyways? You don't seem like the MMORPG kind of guy...Jeeze take a chill pill, it was just a comment." Lydia then removed the phone from her ear and hit the 'end' button, sticking out her tongue at the phone. "I hope he dies a citrus-related death." She muttered, placing the phone back to it original resting spot.

"What was that all about?" Alex asking the question that was also on Max's and Crysta's mind; from what they heard it sounded like a very un-McKay like conversation.

"He wanted to know what kind of gaming Doctor Lee was into." Lydia replied. "Why is beyond me, but I don't really care."

Max opened her mouth to reply to that but was cut off by the 'Firefly' theme. Picking up her phone she entertained the thought about sending it to voice-mail but decided to prove her friends wrong and answer it. "Hello?" she said while giving her friends looks. Smiling she said, "Hey Auntie…yea we're going to New York…uh, actually we're gonna pass right by it…I dunno, let me ask. I'll call you right back."

Ending the call she looked at her friends, "That was my Aunt who lives by Springfield. Apparently my mom talked to her and mentioned out little road trip. Anyways she wants us to stop by when we're passing through there."

"Ugh…forced family visits," Alex said, slightly flinching. "I hate those."

"Sounds fine with me." Lydia said casually.

"Ok…" Max said, confused. Usually Lydia avoided family if she could help it. "If it's all right with everyone else I'll call her back and say yes."

"I'll live."

"Why not? It's only for one day."

Max nodded and dialed her aunt's number.

Crysta looked at Lydia and said, "No more sun for you."

"Why?"

"'Cause you just said that visiting family was fine. Clearly the sun has gone to your head."

"No it hasn't." Lydia shot back. Sighing she continued, "Look, if we see Max's family then we'll get to hear all sorts of embarrassing stories from when she was growing up." She grinned. "And you know what that means."

"Blackmail." Crysta said, smiling wolfishly.

"Doubly so if we can get our hands on some photos."

"What's so funny?" Max asked, hanging up the phone to see her three friends laughing.

"N-nothing." Lydia managed to get out, still laughing. Settling down she sighed and said, "So what do we want to do tonight? I wanna get out and _do_ something."

"A friend told me about a club here." Crysta said, leaning her head back. "The name's 'Saddleridge' and it's in Westport Plaza."

"'Saddleridge'? Sounds like a country bar." Alex said, wrinkling her nose.

"I dunno, my friend wasn't real specific. But I bet it'll be fun."

"Maybe." Lydia mused. "How about we hit that club and if we don't like it then we can find some other club to go to."

"Sounds fine to me."

"What about tomorrow? What else can we do besides see the Arch?" Alex asked.

"We could see a show…go to the zoo…see Grant Park…see some of the Route 66 stuff..." Lydia replied, ticking the list off her fingers.

"Can't we decide this later?" Crysta asked, stifling a yawn. "Right now I want to work on my tan."

"Just don't fall asleep, you'll burn." Lydia commented.

"No, I tan. _You_ burn."

"Hey guys, I think Max is five steps ahead of you." Alex said.

Lydia looked at Max, who was on her stomach asleep, then grinned. "Hand me the sun block will you?"

"Why?" Alex asked warily, nothing good ever came about when Lydia smiled like that.

"Just give it to me."

"Ok." Alex said, tossing the bottle to Lydia.

Lydia caught it, poured some of the creamy white liquid and spread it all over her hand. She then got up and walked over to Max where she quietly walked up to her sleeping friend.

"Shhhh!" she hissed in response to Crysta's laughing. Holding her breath she slowly lowered her hand onto Max's back and lightly pressed down. Lifting it back up, she left a near perfect handprint. Stifling her own laughter, Lydia scurried back to her spot and wiped the excess sun block off.

The next morning…

Max pulled the shirt over her head and down. As she lowered it she caught a glance of her back in the reflection of the mirror. Pausing she turned so that her back was to the mirror and looked. There on her lower back, outlined by her darkened skin, was a handprint.

"That's strange." Max mused out loud.

"What is?" Lydia asked as she exited the bathroom, arms full.

"This is." Max said, turning to show Lydia the handprint.

"Huh…how'd that get there?" Lydia asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"I have no idea." Max said, gathering up her stuff and walking over to her suitcase. "Someone must've put there when we were tanning yesterday."

"Any idea who?"

"Nope."

"Oh…let me know when you do."

"Ok."

A/N: standard disclaimers apply with the addition of BiteMeTechie as co-author of this thrilling little tale (she keeps coming up with golden dialogue). Review!


	7. uh Oops?

"Remind me _why_ we doing this again?" Crysta asked as they crept down the stairs.

"Shhh!" Max hissed. "We're doing this because we can and Lydia said that there was nothing to do."

"Thanks Lydia."

"Hey, it's not my fault that Max's aunt had to insist that we spend the night here." Lydia protested as they reached the bottom of the stairs and made their way across the living room.

"Yea well, you didn't have to listen to her stories; that only encouraged her to ask us to stay." Max shot back.

"But it was so much fun hearing how you cried when a cow licked you." Alex said grinning.

Max opened her mouth to retort but she heard faint noises coming from the kitchen. Pausing she cursed under her breath, they couldn't get out without whoever was in the kitchen seeing them. Taking a breath she started down the hallway again, this time walking towards the kitchen.

Peaking in, she saw that it was her cousin Laura. "Oh," Max said, walking in with the rest in tow. "it's only you."

"Gee thanks." Laura deadpanned. Raising an eyebrow she asked, "_All_ of you suddenly have the munchies?"

Lydia shrugged and said, "We needed an ice cream fix."

Laura looked at them, not saying anything. "You guys were going cow tipping." She stated.

"What makes you think that?" Crysta asked nervously.

"The fact that it's midnight and you all are wearing grungy clothes."

"I didn't know we needed an excuse to be comfortable." Max retorted.

Laura just smiled, "You _are_ going cow tipping. Can I come with?"

"If you promise not to tell."

"I wasn't going to anyways…what do you think me and my friends do around here?"

"Barn raisings?" Lydia offered, smiling.

Laura just rolled her eyes, got up and put her dish in the sink while saying, "Our best bet is the field next to us…they always have cows there."

"Sounds like a plan." Alex said as they made their outside.

----

"This is going to be fun." Lydia giggled as they made their way across the lawn. "So who here besides Laura knows how to tip a cow?" It was almost pitch black, the only light coming from the crescent moon and the flashlights that the girls had.

"You're from Wisconsin, aren't you?" Max asked.

"...yeah." Lydia stated, confused. Max knew that she was from Wisconsin; so why bother asking?

"Your state animal is cheese." Laura said, giggling.

"...have you been drinking?" Crysta asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up and let me finish what I was saying." Max said before Laura could answer. "You're from Wisconsin, so therefore you know about the fine art of cow-tipping, right?"

"...I have never tipped a cow." Lydia admitted, feeling her cheeks heat up.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked, skeptical.

"I grew up in the city! The closest I got to a cow was at the zoo!" Lydia shot back. They heard the soft lowing of cows and headed in that direction. When their flashlight beams hit a cow they stopped a few feet from it.

"Well, here's your chance to get up close and personal with one!" Max said, taking hold of Lydia and shoving her towards the cow.

"What? No! Hey!" Lydia protested as she was propelled forwards.

Max continued to push Lydia forwards and then let go with one final shove. Lydia lost her footing and fell down, her knees making a 'squishing' sound as they hit the ground.

"...you realize what I'm kneeling in now, don't you Max?" Lydia said, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Um...oops?" Max gulped, eyes wide.

"Shoving me into a cow pie is not oops!"

"Big oops?"

"Big oops?! I'll show you big oops!" Lydia exclaimed as she stood and threw a handful of mud and…other stuff at Max. It hit her with a 'splat' and Max flinched.

"Oh, is that how it's gonna be?" Max asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That was payback."

"Ok, ok." Alex broke in before it could degenerate into an all-out mud fight. "It was an accident and Lydia got even. Now let's tip some cows before people wake up with all this shouting and catch us."

"Too late." Laura said as she pointed to two pinpoints of light in the distance. They could hear the sound of tires becoming louder and louder and the lights grew nearer and nearer.

"Quick! Run!" Crysta shouted, bolting. Everyone else followed and they ran back towards the house laughing as they did.

Laura was the last one in and closed the door quietly, hoping that they didn't wake up the entire house.

Gasping for breath they giggled as quietly as they could given the circumstances. Max made a face as she saw that her shirt was now dirty and smelled like a barn. "Ugh…I'm gonna have to wash this tomorrow." She said, taking the plaid shirt off and holding it away from herself.

"Mine too." Lydia said, wrinkling her nose at the thought of the state her jeans were in now.

"Here, give them to me." Laura said, holding out her hand. "I can throw them in tonight and tomorrow they'll be dry so you don't have to wait."

"You sure?" Lydia asked, eyebrow rising.

"I'm sure. Besides we're gonna have to wash all of our clothes unless we want my mom to ask why it smells like cow in the morning."

"If it's no problem."

"Nope, I always do laundry at odd hours so if they hear the washer or dryer they won't think anything out of the ordinary."

Alex looked at Max and said, "You have a strange family."

"I know." Max replied, smiling. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	8. Stuck

"Is it hot in here or is it just me?" Crysta asked, wiping sweat from her forehead.

"Yea, it is a bit warm in here." Alex said, fanning her hand in front of her face. "What gives? I thought we had the air on."

"We do." Max said, looking at the dash and seeing that the air conditioner button was pushed in.

"Uh-oh." Crysta said as she saw smoke coming from the hood.

"Uh-oh is right." Alex countered. "Pull over."

"No, I'm going to keep on driving until the engine falls out." Crysta shot back as she took her foot off of the gas, signaled, and pulled over to the shoulder. As the car slowed down, smoke continued to pour out of the hood.

Crysta put it in park and turned off the engine. After making sure that the lane closest to the shoulder was clear, she got out and walked to the front of the car.

As she popped the hood Crysta heard Lydia say, "Don't let Max touch anything."

"Why?" Crysta asked slightly distracted as she tried to wave away the smoke that was still pouring out.

"It'll blow up."

"Hey, I resent that!" Max exclaimed, crossing her arms.

"Do we have to revisit the flaming toaster incident, Maxine?" Lydia asked, looking at Max and raising an eyebrow.

"...shut up." Max grumbled while shooting daggers at Lydia, who was smirking, with her eyes.

"Hey Lydia," Crysta said, pulling her head out of the hood and back into the fresh air. "can you take a look at the engine? I don't think it's supposed to be smoking like that."

"No it's not, obviously." Lydia sighed, this was what she got for being the car-savvy one in the group; she always had to tinker around with their cars when something was hinky with them. Cracking her hands she said, "Hand me the duct tape, I need to do some auto repair."

Crysta just rolled her eyes and ambled over where Alex and Max were leaning against the back of the car. They stood there for a few minutes until they heard Lydia yell, "I don't suppose anyone's got nitro on them?"

"What!?" Alex exclaimed, bolting off of the trunk where she had been leaning against.

"Kidding! I'm kidding!" Lydia said, sticking her head past the hood and grinning like the Chesire Cat. "Mostly." Lydia then disappeared for a few more minutes then re-appeared asking, "Anyone got any pantyhose?"

"...why?" Crysta asked, raising an eyebrow.

"To replace the fan belt...duh." Max said as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world. The girls just looked at her with a mixture of shock and amazement. "What?" Max asked, shrugging. "I know things."

"So you tell us." Lydia said, making her way towards them. "I have no idea what's wrong."

"Great, we just _had_ to take the shortcut that took us through the middle of Amish country." Alex grouched.

"Oh relax; I'll hitch a ride into the nearest town and come back with help." Crysta suggested.

"You sure you should go by yourself?" Max asked, leaning against the car. "'Cause that's how every horror movies starts; it'll be 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' all over again."

"I'll be fine." Crysta said, rolling her eyes. "I have my cell phone so I'll be sure to let you know if I run into a chainsaw wielding maniac."

"Only if it's attached to a bloody stump." Lydia called from the trunk.

"Oh yeah right, like I'd call you if I found one of those."

Lydia stopped digging through the trunk and raised her head looking at Crysta with narrowed eyes. "...you'd keep him all to yourself, wouldn't you?"

"Yup."

"Bitch."

"I love you too." Crysta replied smiling. She started down the road calling out, "I'll call when I'm on my way back with help."

"And we'll be right here."

Later...

"Ugh…How long do we have to wait until she gets back?" Lydia asked, raising her hand to shade her eyes from the sun's glare. Crysta had come back after getting a tow-truck to take the car to the nearest garage, which was an hour away, and promised to (somehow) borrow another car to pick them up since there was only room for one in the cab.

"It's only been twenty minutes since she left," Max said, not looking up from her book. She was lying on the grass just off of the shoulder using one of their small bags as a pillow while Lydia was sitting on another small bag with Alex doing the same as well. "She said that she'd call when she was on her way so just relax."

"But still, how long does it take to get another car?" Lydia asked as a trunk lumbered by.

"Hello, we're in the middle of Amish country; it's not like there's gonna be a car at the nearest farmhouse."

"Can't we just hitchhike?" Alex asked, sighing. "It'd be much faster than just waiting here."

"Alex, take off your shirt."

Alex just looked at Lydia like she had just gone off of the deep end, not that there hadn't been times before this that she'd thought the same thing, while Max was trying to (and failing miserably) hide a smile. "I'm sorry?" Alex asked, hesitantly, almost not wanting to know the reason behind the last statement.

"C'mon, we'll get a trucker's attention a lot more readily if one of us is topless."

"Why does it have to be me?"

Lydia sighed and looked at her friends. "'Cause…you know…"

"No I don't. That's why I'm asking."

"Your…ya know…"

"Is that so?" Alex stated, both eyebrows rising. "Tell you what, why don't you go lie down in the middle of the road? If that doesn't get their attention Lydia, _then_ I'll go topless."

"After you scrape me off the pavement, right?" Lydia asked, flashing Alex a smile.

"Something like that." Alex said idly while watching another truck pass by. She sighed; they were going nowhere fast.

A/N: I have to admit that I'm like Max when around cars...I'm afraid that something's going to explode (even when I'm doing exactly what my dad tells me to do). Credit to darkestnova for the 'duct tape...auto repair' line. Standard disclaimers apply. Review!


	9. Hiccups of doom

"Hic."

"What that my phone?" Max asked, looking around for it wildly.

"No, that was Lydia. Again." Crysta said, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Hiccup..."

"Damn it Lydia, you made me drop a stitch." Alex growled.

"Hiccup..."

"Cut it out Lyd!"

Lydia clapped a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the sound of her hiccups.

But it wasn't working.

"Hic hic hic."

"Would you knock that off? You've been hiccupping since Indiana." Crysta snapped, stealing a glance in the rearview mirror to look at Lydia.

"Hiccup, hiccup, hic-Gah Damn You Max!"

"What? What did I do?" Max asked, turning sideways to look at Lydia.

"Every time we're around each other for an extended length of time I get the hiccups!"

Max raised an eyebrow, "We've been rooming together for almost two months."

"And..."

"This is the first case if hiccups I've seen you get."

"That you've _seen_!"

"Your point?" Max asked giving Lydia a rather doubtful look.

"My point is usually, I _get_ them-or _feel_ them coming on-and _leave_ the room." As Lydia finished talking a rather large hiccup sounded. "Damn It!"

Crysta and Max tried to stifle giggles but failed, letting Lydia see that they obviously enjoyed seeing their friend like this.

"Oh sure laugh at my pain." Lydia groused, crossing her arms.

"'You mock my pain! Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.'" Max replied with a grin and still giggling.

"...talk about random." Alex said, after a pause.

"Random nothing, I knew that was coming." Crysta commented.

"_Sure_." Alex rolled her eyes and was unconvinced.

Crysta just stuck her tongue out at Alex , "Can't you just hang upside or something?"

"Sure...hang upside down in a car..._there's_ a bright idea." Max deadpanned.

"I do that all the time at home and it's never stopped the hiccups." Lydia huffed.

"Why do you do that?"

"It helps me HIC-think!"

"You think?" Alex asked in mock surprise.

"Oh shut the Hicc-up."

"What about holding your breath or sugar? Do we have any sugar in the car?" Max asked.

"Yea, it's next to the blowtorch in the trunk." Crysta shot back.

"Funny. Funny like a crutch."

"Hey, crutches can be funny. But think about this; do we really want to give Lydia sugar?" Alex said, trying to get them to realize that might not be a good idea.

"...oh god, no. Not after the great Pixie Stick Debacle." Crysta remarked, slightly flinching at the memory.

Max laughed at the memory, "Hahaha...that was great."

"It wasn't a debac-HIC-le." Lydia said, defending herself.

"Yes it was." Alex commented, nodding her head.

"You bounced on your bed and hit your head on the ceiling-" Max started to say.

"until you knocked a _hole_ in the plaster." Crysta replied, finishing the sentence.

"Not to mention the stitches you needed." Alex concluded, nodding her head.

"Yeah, remember how we had to explain that one to the landlady?" Crysta said, raising her eyebrows.

"I don't think she bought our 'Lydia was testing a new nuclear reactor' excuse, do you?" Max asked, tilting her head to one side.

"Nope." Alex said, shaking her head to agree with the statement.

Crysta grinned, "But on the plus side, we got a great home video to show our kids."

"Hey, that's not as bad as the time she proved it wasn't lethal to snort baby powder." Alex pointed out.

"True...come to think about it didn't we stop watching 'Mythbusters' after that?" Max asked leaning her arm against the door and resting her head on her arm.

"I think we did." Alex mused.

"We probably shouldn't have, it would have been way more entertaining to keep letting her watch it and reenact things..." Crysta said smiling.

"...but the people at the ER would've gotten suspicious every time we brought her in as a result." Max reasoned.

"Still having the hiccups over here!" Lydia exclaimed.

"Good for you." Max replied coolly.

"Why you mother HIC-ing frakking HIC son of a HIC!"

"You kiss your Frohike poster at night with that mouth?" Crysta asked while at the same time Alex said, "Hey, do you kiss your mother with that mouth of yours?"

Lydia opened her mouth to respond to that but instead of a witty retort out came a rather large "HIC"

It was silent for a few minutes and the four girls didn't disturb the peace, each soaking in the silence that hadn't been there for a while.

But it was shattered with another loud 'HIC!'

"Lydia!" Crysta groaned.

Max heard her phone ring and she scrambled to answer it before it went to voice-mail. "Hello?" she said, motioning for the others to shut up. "…Yes this is her."

Lydia, Crysta, and Alex exchanged looks of confusion but before they could start to eavesdrop Lydia's phone rang and she picked it up.

That just left Crysta and Alex to figure out why Max was jumping for her phone all of a sudden.

"…Yes I have your number, I'll let you know by then…Thanks for letting me know." Max said. After hanging up the phone she glanced up to see Alex turned around in her seat, looking at her and Crysta stealing glances in the mirror. "What?" Max asked.

"What was that all about?" Alex asked.

"Something."

"Obviously, but what specifically?"

Max opened her mouth to retort but Lydia broke in with a loud, "God fucking damn them to the seventh circle of the ninth level of hell!"

"What? What happened?" Alex asked.

"Ah…nothing." Lydia mumbled, turning her gaze towards the window.

"Oh."

They were silent for a while until Crysta, hoping to lessen the obvious tension, remarked, "Hey Lydia, your hiccups are gone."

"Whoopdie-freakin'-doo." Lydia grumbled.

"So…Max, what was the phone call about?"

"Oh…nothing." Max replied, slightly distracted.

"That didn't sound like nothing to me." Alex replied.

"It was nothing, ok?" Max snapped.

"Ok. Sorry I asked."


	10. Another Gas Station Encounter

It was afternoon and Max noticed that they were getting low on gas. Looking up from the gauge, she sighed and briefly glanced in the rearview mirror. Alex was asleep in the backseat, sitting up with her head against the headrest while Lydia had crawled to the back to fall asleep herself. Max didn't know why, all she knew was that somehow Lydia fell asleep faster while squished in-between luggage.

Max then glanced to the side and smiled; Crysta was asleep as well, leaning against the door. Her mouth was slightly open and Max's smile got wider when an idea hit her.

Fishing around for one of the plastic spoons that littered the car, she picked one up and carefully placed it in Crysta's mouth. Crysta stirred and Max froze, hoping that Crysta wouldn't wake up. Whatever deity was on watch then decided to throw Max a bone and Crysta didn't open her eyes. Continuing to smile Max then grabbed her cell phone and flipped it open. Activating the camera, she took a picture and saved it to the phone's memory.

Then, Max reached for the volume dial and turned up the music slightly.

_Carry on my wayward son/There'll be peace when you are done/Lay your weary head to rest/Don't you cry no more _

Max gave the dial a fast twist, and it blared just as the drums crashed down and the guitar solo started.

"Gah!" Crysta shot straight up, confused. At the same time Alex said, "Wha'?"

They heard Lydia mummble something that sounded like 'demonic bunnies'.

Max laughed at their reactions and turned down the music.

"What the hell was that for?" Crysta grumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Yea, what gives?" Alex asked, stifling a yawn.

Max just grinned and turned onto the off-ramp. "I needed some entertainment." She said while showing the picture she had just taken to the both of them.

"Yea well could you find some other way to find 'entertainment'?" Crysta groused. "Something that doesn't involve us losing our hearing or giving us a heart attack?"

"No promises." Max replied as they pulled into the gas station and up to a pump. After popping the gas tank hatch, Max got out saying, "Your turn to pay Crysta."

"Yeah, yeah, I know the rules; shotgun pays." Crysta said digging through her purse.

Crysta and Alex got out of the car as well, to stretch their legs and get the kinks out of their bodies, leaving Lyida still in the car sleeping. Soon the car was filled up and they all headed in to grab snacks and drinks after making a stop.

Lydia opened her eyes and stretched, yawning. Seeing that they were at a gas station she realized she needed a pit stop so she ambled out of the car heading towards the bathroom, which was in the back of the building.

"You think we have enough not to stop until we're done for the day?" Alex asked as they came out of the store loaded with bags of chips, candy, and each carrying two bottles of the drink of their choice.

"Maybe." Max replied, shrugging her shoulders. "Anyhoo, lets hit the road."

"Sounds good." Crysta said as they neared the car.

They all got in and after a few moments of settling Max turned the car on and drove off.

"Still sleeping back there Lyd?" Alex called out as they jumped back onto the highway.

There was no response so Max said, "I think we'll take that as a yes."

Lydia walked out and squinted, the bright sunlight a stark contrast to the dim bathroom. Cracking her knuckles, she headed towards the car only to stop.

Where was it?

Blinking rapidly, she scanned the staion thinking that Max had just moved the car since she was done filling the car.

It wasn't there.

"_Crap._" Lyida thought as she tried to think of what had happened. Carjacking was the first that came to her mind, a prank being the second. "_That's what it is._" Lydia told herself while smiling. "_They thought it'd be funny to leave me and see if I freaked out. They'll be back any minute now to see if I'm hysterical._"

She waited.

And waited.

"Any minute now." Lydia said outloud to no one in particular.

She waited for a half-hour until she realized that they weren't coming back for her. "Aw, hell." She muttered as she got up to head into the store.

Later...

"You left me at the gas station!" Lydia admonished as they made their way down towards their motel room.

"I thought you were asleep in the back." Max said sheepishly.

"You didn't notice that the car was suddenly lighter!?"

"I was more concerned on how far we could get before it got dark."

"And you drove right past me and the state trooper!"

"I thought he was flagging down someone else." Max admitted, her face turning red. She really _had_ thought that the trooper was trying to get someone else's attention.

"Who looked exactly like me!?"

They reached their room and Crysta slid their key in, opening the door. As they walked in she said, "Yes Lydia; Max left you at the gas station, yes she drove past you and the trooper but we realized the mistake and picked you up. Everything's back to normal so you can stop griping about it."

Lydia grumbled something unintelligible as she set her suitcase down.

Max just sighed and shook her head; she could just add this to the list of things she'd never live down.


	11. Chickflick of the week moment

They walked into the hotel room unusually quiet. They were on the last leg of their trip and the tension was increasing between the four good friends. Things had been tense for them for a few days now, but they were quickly reaching their breaking point.

It had been a long day; traffic had been bad and they had been sniping at each other for the majority of the day. They were tired, all they wanted to do was unwind and hopefully things would be better in the morning.

The door closed and lights were turned on to brighten the room. The girls set their luggage down and Max flopped onto one bed while Lydia claimed the second while Alex and Crysta joined Max or Lydia.

They were silent, each lost within their own thoughts. The silence was only broken by the sound of Max's phone ringing. Grabbing it, she got off the bed and moved down towards the door while answering it.

The others were silent, listening to the one-sided conversation. Max kept her voice down so it was hard to hear what exactly what was being said. But it was a quick conversation and soon Max was back on top of the bedspread, silent.

"You've been busy talking on your phone these last few days." Crysta commented, breaking the silence. "Care to enlighten us as to the reason?"

Max sighed, she knew that this was going to come up sometime. Sitting on the bed with her legs crossed she said, "You guys are really great friends, you know that, and as much as I love hanging around the apartment all day...I need to find work. That's why I've been sending almost everything to voice-mail; I've been waiting for job offers."

The girls were silent, knowing that there wasn't anything they could do to contradict Max's statement. Of the four of them Max had been the hardest hit; she was the only one left without a job when they were ousted from Atlantis, but they hadn't known she was looking around.

"And the call the other day..." Alex asked, trailing off.

"Was one." Looking at her friends she took a deep breath and continued, "In Maine." Max looked down at the bed-spread, silent. She knew that she could turn the job down and hope that she'd find work somewhere else, but she _also_ knew that something might not come along and then she'd be stuck at the apartment while everyone else got up and went to their jobs. And while she had money in the bank, if she kept up her current record of unemployment it wouldn't last long.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Crysta asked, breaking the silence.

"Why didn't you tell us that you were looking?" Lydia asked as well.

"I wasn't sure I'd get it, but now..." Max trailed off, knowing that they understood what was left un-said.

They sat in silence until Lydia broke it with news of her own. "I've been reassigned to Area 51."

"When?" Alex asked, the first to digest the news and speak up.

"Next month."

"Well, since we're sharing our life-changing plans, I've been thinking about opening a bakery. There's a spot near the Mountain that's for sale and the owner offered to sell it to me fully furnished. If I take it that is."

"…So this is it, huh?" Crysta said softly after what seemed like an eternity of silence.

"Well there'll be visits-" Lydia started to say.

"Yea; a weekend here and there for you, a few days during winter and summer breaks for Max, whenever you guys are in town." Crysta snapped, cutting Lydia off.

"I won't be in Area 51 forever." Lydia said after Crysta was finished. "I'm sure that they'll transfer be back to the SGC sometime."

"And I can try to get a job back in Springs." Max piped up.

"But it won't be the same; just like how e-mails and playing phone tag with time zones will mess things up even more. Max'll be busy teaching and settling in her new place, Lydia will be busy with whatever projects she'll have going on in Area 51, Alex'll be too busy setting up the shop and I'll be busy with my work. Who knows when we'll actually be able to see each other again?"

"I'm sure that we'll figure it out somehow." Alex offered up.

They then sat in silence, each thinking about the newest turn of events and revelations that had been made within the last five minutes.

"We don't have to hug now do we? 'Cause I don't think I can stomach any more chick-flick moments." Lydia asked, looking like she might be sick.

Max, Alex, and Crysta all looked at Lydia silently. Then a slow grin spread across Max's face and she looked at Alex and Crysta, conveying a silent message to them. They must have gotten the message because they each started to sport grins of their own.

Lydia swallowed, suddenly nervous and unnerved by their looks and then all of a sudden the three launched themselves at Lydia tackling her.

"Hey, watch it guys!" Lydia exclaimed, laughing as they fell onto her.


	12. Standin' around

"I'm starving." Lydia said as they stood in line outside the NBC building in Rockefeller Plaza.

"Well it's not _our_ fault that you weren't hungry at lunch." Crysta retorted.

"Yea well…I wasn't then but I am now. Maybe I have a powerbar in here somewhere." Lydia replied as she rummaged through her backpack.

"Ick." Max said, making a face. "How can you stand those things? They're disgusting."

"No they're not. And they actually come in quite handy when you're on an all-nighter trying to save-_solve_ an eleventh hour problem." Lydia grimaced at the slip and hoped that there weren't any MIB rejects around. But it was New York, with lots of people in suits, so it was kind of hard to see if that was true. She finished looking through her bag and came up empty. "You guys got anything?" Lydia asked looking at her friends.

They quick checked their bags but came up empty. "Sorry, looks like you're stuck until afterwards." Crysta said, shrugging.

"But I'm hypoglycemic; if I don't get something to eat I'll pass out."

"At least you'll be quiet." Max muttered, under her breath.

Alex heard Max and whacked her on the arm.

"Ow! Hey what was that for?" Max asked, rubbing the spot where Alex had hit her.

"For that comment, that wasn't very nice."

Max shot Alex a searing look but knew that she was right. Sighing, she said, "If I give you money will you buy something so you don't pass out?"

Lydia raised an eyebrow, "You're trying to bribe me into forgiveness?"

"Yup." Max replied nodding her head.

"Ok. Just wanted to make sure." Lydia raised an eyebrow when Max handed her the money. "Five bucks? Gee, I don't know if I can spend all of this."

"Hey, it's either that or I give you a fifty."

"Actually-"

"No." Max cut Lydia off.

"Fine." Lydia grumbled. "Maybe there's a 'churro' stand nearby…" Lydia then left the line and wandered down the street.

Five minutes later she came back with a food in one hand and a half-empty soda cup in the other.

"What'd you get?" Max asked as Lydia rejoined them.

"Brownies." Lydia replied as she finished off her drink and tossed it in a nearby trash can. "I got three for five bucks, talk about a deal." Holding out one she asked, "Want one Max?"

"What'd you put in it?" Max asked warily, it would be like Lydia to try and get revenge.

"Nofink, I thear." Lydia said through a mouthful of brownie.

Max was silent for a moment, entertaining the possibility that Lydia was being nice. She also remembered that this was Lydia and Max shouldn't put anything past her. Deciding to err on the side of caution she shook her head, "Thanks but I'll pass this time."

Lydia shrugged and stuffed the uneaten brownies into her pack, "Whatever." Just then the doors opened and the line began to move. She gave a short hop and started grinning like an idiot.

"Why do I get the feeling that I'm walking into fan-girl headquarters?" Alex asked as they stepped inside the building.

"'Cause Brucie's here." Lydia responded, still grinning like the Joker.

"Here we go." Crysta said taking a breath to fortify herself for the next few hours. It was going to be a long afternoon.


	13. The thin line between fan and stalker

"Coming up next, Bruce Campbell!" Conan O'Brian said as the crowd broke into cheers and applause and the band started to play.

"This is great." Max said, grinning as they waited for the next segment to begin.

"Yup, and we haven't had to pretend we don't know you once." Crysta replied, while Alex nodded in agreement. "I'd say that's a good thing."

"How much longer until Brucie?" Lydia asked, bouncing up and down in her seat. "He's God and Chuck Norris is the devil."

Crysta sighed, "I stand corrected. I think it was a bad idea to give her sugar before we went in."

"Oh relax, she's entertaining and it's keeping us occupied in-between segments." Alex said as the music died down.

"You know him from the Evil Dead trilogy-" Conan cut off as a loud squeal was heard. Smiling and laughing he continued, "and this September will star in 'My Name Is Bruce'. Bruce Campbell!"

Lydia and Max squealed as Bruce walked onto the stage and waved at the audience. Before he sat down he gave another wave and that only encouraged Lydia to yell again. As the music faded she shouted, "I LOVE YOU BRUCE!!!"

Conan laughed while asking, "What about me?"

"No." Conan pretended to look hurt while everyone laughed.

"Anything for a laugh." Bruce said.

"Continue red-headed clown. Dance for our amusement." Conan said, miming a dance.

As the interview progressed Max noticed that Lydia was acting strange…well stranger than normal. "You ok?" she whispered.

"Yeah yeah…I'm fine. Now shut up." Lydia hissed back, not tearing her eyes away from the stage. In the middle of the interview, when they were talking about 'My Name Is Bruce' she suddenly got up, dashed down the steps, past the cameras, and onto the stage while yelling, "MISTER CAMPBELL!" Lydia then sat down on his lap and hugged him.

The crowd laughed and cheered thinking that it was a sketch while Max, Crysta, and Alex exchanged glances, wondering what the hell was going on.

Bruce was startled when someone rushed the stage, sat down on his lap and hugging him but pretended to be fine with it. "That's quite a grip you've got there." He said, smiling. "What's your name?"

"Lydia." She said giggling and maintained her hold on him. "I'm your _biggest_ fan."

"She's been drinking." Conan said, while making the shape of a glass with his hand and tipping it repeatedly towards his mouth. He needed to stall for time while security made their way up here. His producer motioned at him, wondering if they should stop taping and reset. Conan shook his head; this could prove to be entertaining.

"I have not!" Lydia protested, breaking her gaze from Bruce to glance at Conan. Her eyes going wide she squealed and said, "OMG Conan! Your _**tie**_! It looks like Ice Cream!"

Conan laughed and pulled out his tie which was a variety of pastel colors, "It's made of spun sugar."

"Can I eat it?" Lyida suddenly asked, reaching for it. But her arm only came half-way so Lydia decided to do the next best thing; she got up and launched herself at Conan. While he was stunned she quickly took off his tie and then set herself back down in Bruce's lap.

"If she hasn't been drinking...would you believe pot?" Conan asked, pretending like this was just an act and wondering what was taking security so long to arrive.

"Lydia...time to go back the nice soft room." Bruce said, starting to get more than a little creped out at the women sitting in his lap.

"Buuuut...Bruuuuuuuuce!" Lydia whined, while snuggling Bruce and chewing on Conan's tie. "Can I have your Bruce-lets? _Please_?"

"Hey, you gotta admit, this'll make fascinating television." Conan said, stalling. The audience laughed and he continued, "This episode will never air. You guys will be talking about it and everyone'll be like 'Huh?'"

Out of the corner of his eye Conan saw the door open and two security guys step into the studio. Now he could stop recording. "As amusing as this is, we need to take a break. Coming up, Fall Out Boy!"

The two security guys came up to the stage and had to pry Lydia from Bruce and all but drag her towards the hallway. "I love you Bruce!" Lydia yelled as the doors swung shut.

Max couldn't believe this was happening. It's like she was suddenly in an episode of 'The Twilight Zone' and she was slowly going mad. But that still didn't distract her from the fact that one of her friends had gone crazy on national television. After Lydia and her "escorts" disappeared she knew that Lydia was going to spend the night in a nice barred room. It might even be padded. Grabbing Lydia's bag as well as her own she leaned over to Crysta and said, "I'll be back, I'm gonna find out where they're taking Lydia."

"'K." Crysta said, as Max stood and made her way towards the exit.

It didn't take her long to find Lydia and as she made her way towards them Max wondered what the hell caused all this.

"Can I help you?" one of the officers asked Max when she neared them.

"She's my friend." Max said, pointing to Lydia and wondering if it was wise to admit that at the moment. "Where is she going?"

"Depends. Is that her bag?" he asked, pointing to the one in Max's right hand.

"No, this is." She said, holding out her left hand. The officer took it and started to look through it.

"What's this?" he asked, pulling out the brownies.

"Uh…brownies. Why?"

The officer didn't reply and walked towards his partner. Taking the brownies the second officer then let a dog sniff them. The dog started to bark and the two men exchanged glances. They then turned to face Lydia and started to talk to her. Max tried to overhear what they were saying but they were talking too low for her to hear.

"What do you mean arrested for possession?!" Lydia exclaimed as handcuffs appeared and one of them started to recite her rights. "It's a _**Brownie**_!"

"Uhuh." One of them said as they started to take Lydia outside. "And I guess that you just bought it off of two little girls."

"Actually you'd be surprised how right you are." Hoping to stall, Lydia refused to move and nodded at Max, who was watching all this from her spot in front of the security desk. "She's the one who bought it!"

"Me?!" Max squeaked out, startled at Lydia's accusation. "I gave her the money."

"See? Enabler."

The two men exchanged looks and the one who didn't have a grip on Lydia went over to Max and took her arm while saying, "You'll have to come with us."

"What?" Max asked as she allowed herself be led towards the squad car. "I didn't do anything!"

"That's what they all say."


	14. NYC Prison Blues

"This is all your fault you know." Lydia said from her bed.

"This is great...we've got criminal records now." Max sighed. She hadn't put 'inside of a jail cell' on her 'must see' list for New York.

"Maybe for you; this is just an addition to mine."

"What did you do?"

"Let's just say that I didn't know white-out was _that_ flammable." Lydia sat up and clutched her head while moaning, "Unnng...my head."

"Serves you right." Max snarked, not planning on giving Lydia any kind of sympathy in the near future.

"How was I supposed to know that the twin blondes with a lemonade stand put their mommy's special herb in their brownies?!" Lydia asked, wincing slightly at her loud tone. "They looked so innocent!" she continued in a lower voice.

"That should have been your first clue." Max deadpanned, not amused at Lydia feeble attempts at humor. "Plus, it's New York...what do you expect?"

"Brownies that won't make me attack people on national television!" Lydia exclaimed.

"Do you think we could get a copy of the show to take back with us?" Max wondered out loud after a few minutes of silence.

"Why?" Lydia asked with her eyes closed. At least the room had stopped spinning for the moment.

"McKay would get a kick out of this."

Lydia lifted up her head and opened her eyes glaring at Max, "...I hate you."

Max smiled at Lydia, "You're welcome."

"Shut up."


	15. The world just became a little less safe

"You smell that?" Lydia asked Max as they walked out of the court house, stopping to take a deep breath. "That's the smell of freedom."

"Oh, please." Max rolled her eyes in response to Lydia's statement. "If you start re-enacting 'Braveheart' I might have to ask them to research your stuff."

Lydia stuck out her tongue at Max and pulled out her phone. "You tell Alex and Crysta where the courthouse is?"

"Uh…no. I said that we'd meet them over at 30 Rock."

"Are you nuts!?" Lydia exclaimed, looking at Max like she'd sprouted a second head. "If the cops see us there they'll haul us right back here. And I don't think the judge will be so nice next time. We were lucky enough that he only made us pay a fine since there weren't any priors."

"Oh…yeah that is true."

"Besides, I don't want to push our luck." Lydia flipped open her phone and hit speed-dial. "I'm calling them to pick us up."

"Ok, but if Jack McCoy shows up with Ed Greene and Nina Cassady I'm outta here."

"…You do know that they're just fictional characters." Lydia said as she waited for Crysta to pick up her phone.

"Duh."

"Just checking."

It didn't take long for Crysta and Alex to pick up Max and Lydia and in no time they were headed towards the highway.

"So did you watch Conan last night?" Max asked as they reached the city limits.

Crysta and Alex broke into grins and nodded.

"And…"

"And what?" Crysta innocently asked as she signaled and pulled onto the on-ramp.

"Did they show Lydia's 'magic brownie' moment?"

"Why would they do that?" Alex asked, while casting Crysta a knowing look.

"Because I know that since Bruce was the last guest before the music act they wouldn't of had time to do it all over again." Max replied in a 'matter of fact' tone. "So did they?"

"Yes they did, although they cut some stuff out…and it was even more funny the second time around." Crysta admitted while Alex gave a snort.

"What stuff did they cut out?"

"Uh…the part where she said that she wanted to eat Conan's tie-"

"No they kept that in; it was the part where she said that she wanted to have Bruce-lets that they cut out." Alex countered, interrupting Crysta.

"Whatever. Either way it was hilarious."

"You didn't get a copy of it did you?" Lydia asked, cringing.

"Unfortunately no." Crysta sighed, disappointed.

"Damn, there's goes any chance of sending a copy of McKay." Max replied, disappointed as well.

"Oh well." Lydia said, pretending to be upset while relieved. Then a realization hit her. "Aw...damn it." She muttered.

"What?" Alex asked.

"I just remembered I set up the VCR to record last nights 'Conan'."

"YES!" Max exclaimed, bursting into a grin. "I'm _so_ transferring it to DVD."

"Do and you're dead." Lydia threatened while glaring at Max.

"Hey, wait to threaten Max until we've crossed state lines." Crysta said, stealing a glance in the mirror.

Max smirked and stuck her tongue out at Lydia who just narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, pouting.

They drove in relative silence until all of a sudden cell phones went off. Crysta, Alex, and Lydia picked theirs up while Max was left wondering what was going on.

"They did _what_? When?"

"How did they manage to do that? You're kidding right?"

"No way."

"Well we're still in New York State so yeah it's gonna take us a while to get back."

"So we have to repack it all? Great, that'll take us forever. No…I'll start when we get back. Just make a list of everything we need."

Alex was the last one to get off the phone and looked at the others who, except for Max, were all grinning. "I take it that we all got the same phone call."

"What's going on?" Max asked, wondering what the hell was going on.

Lydia and Alex turned to look at Max with mild surprise on their faces. "You're kidding right?" Lydia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No…what happened?"

"_War and Peace_ version or Cliff Notes?"

"Cliff Notes please."

"We're all going back to Atlantis." Lydia said, breaking into a grin.

Max bit her lip, not sure she wanted to burst their bubble.

Alex noticed the lack of Max's excitement and asked, "Aren't you glad?"

"Well…not really."

"Why?" Lydia asked, raising an eyebrow. "You loved teaching the Athosian kids."

"Sure I did, but I...didn't get a phone call." Max replied.

The silence was deafening with the girls realizing what that meant.


	16. Not Again

Lydia came running into the living room, dodging around the boxes that littered the floor while exclaiming, "Did you guys see this?"

Max, Crysta, and Alex looked at each other with varying degrees of confusion on their faces. Anything that made Lydia this excited didn't bode well for the others. "What now?" Crysta asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lydia waved the sheets of paper in her hand around wildly in the faces of her three friends and bounced up and down. "Convention! Vegas! Shatner!" She grinned madly.

"NO!" they all shouted in unison.

"Why not?!" Lydia asked, looking hurt.

The three girls looked at each other then at Lydia. "Were we the only ones there in New York, Lydia?" Alex asked while continuing to pack.

Lydia refused to back down, her inner Trekkie would not be denied the chance of seeing Captain Kirk. "But…but..._Shatner_!"

"I seem to recall you had the exact same argument for Campbell." Max replied while taping a box shut and marking the contents on the outside.

"We could gamble...and see shows and and and—"

"NO." Crysta said loudly, cutting Lydia off.

Lydia shot daggers at her friends and huffed, "Fine. I'll go by myself." She then stormed out of the room and slammed the door to her room. A few seconds later the three in the living room could dimly hear rock music blaring from the other side.

Max paused putting CDs in a box and listened to the music. "It's Triumph," she said after a moment. "she must be pissed."

"...we really shouldn't let her go alone." Crysta said after Max had finished speaking and picked up the paper that Lydia had dropped when she left in a huff. "Oooo...Connor Trinneer is going to be there."

"I don't _care_ if Connor Trinneer is going to show up...we are **not** going on a road trip again." Max argued, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting, are you?" Alex asked, looking at Crysta with narrow eyes.

"Possibly..."

"Just like a Trekkie to side with her." Max rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"But she'll get in trouble without us." Crysta reasoned.

"Hey, I think I just got an evil idea." Alex said, grinning and chuckling.

"What?" Max asked slowly, not liking the fact that Alex found her own idea funny.

"Isn't McKay in New Mexico?"

"...yes." Crysta nodded her head while wondering what Alex had planned.

"I thought he was still on Atlantis." Max said from behind a stack of boxes.

Crysta shook her head, "No, he came back to pack up his lab. Said that if he didn't then his stuff would all get messed up."

"Isn't New Mexico on the way to Vegas?" Alex asked, getting them back to focus on her idea.

"...if you go that way, sure."

"And isn't McKay a trekkie too?"

"I suppose."

"But they'd kill themselves." Max said, catching on to what Alex was thinking.

"Or each other...which ever happens one or both of them will end up dead." Crysta added.

"Well what better way to disabuse Lydia of her road trip plans than inviting McKay along?" Alex concluded, still smiling. "Or better yet, we can just tell her we'll go...so long as we can pick someone up on the way."

"Do you think we can rent an arena and charge people to watch 'em fight it out?" Crysta wondered out loud.

"It would be pretty entertaining."

"We'd make a killing." Max said grinning.

"And it would offset the cost of going..."

"I say we do it."

"Only if Max doesn't lend money, drive, or give directions."

"Hey, I resent that." Max said, pretending to be hurt. "Besides I won't be able to go, remember? I have to be in Maine and you guys have to go back as well."

"It's two birds with one stone; we keep Lydia from ever suggesting a road trip again and we get to watch her suffer." Alex said, laughing. "When does school start?"

"Last week of August."

"We don't have to leave until the Daedalus gets back, when it does Vegas will be over and done with for awhile and you'll still have plenty of time to pack and move."

"I'm in!" Crysta said quickly, smiling.

Max was silent for a few minutes, wondering if she should cross over to their side and just go along with it.


End file.
